The Power of Love and Covid 19
When we talk of love, it is often narrowly defined as romantic or sexual love as I write about extensively in Is It Love or Is It Addiction?. But love comes in many forms including filial-- love of family, agape--love of friends and neighbor, and compassion-- caring about the suffering of others.
In Love’s Way I challenge people to expand their definition of love; to think of love as a measurable energy that is right at our fingertips. It is free and available to all. Love does not care what you look like, what you believe, what you do for a living, whether married or single, or in a relationship at all. It couldn’t care less if you are a prince or a pauper, sinner or saint. It is the alive, power of love that can motive us to cut through life’s chaos and suffering, even risk our lives for others.
In this time of the Covid19 pandemic we are being called to expand our definition of love and to excel in all expressions of it. The power of love is experienced as kindness, generosity, patience, caring, giving, openly receiving, reaching out to others, appreciation, gratitude, tolerance, respect, open-mindedness, forgiveness, affection, nurturing, goodness, service, and even joy, happiness, laughter, vibrancy, serenity, passion, esteem, and trust. Love is a choice.
Love and Health
There is growing evidence that love is good for our physical and emotional well-being. Research shows that love of others improves the immune system and contributes to overall health. Even bad habits have less of an impact on those with loving support systems. Other research demonstrates that those who did volunteer work or interacted with others in caring and compassionate manner dramatically increased their vitality and life span. A Harvard study showed that an increase of an antibody which wards off respiratory infections, IgA, can be generated simply by watching a film of Mother Theresa caring for the sick and impoverished. Individuals who have positive emotional intimacy with others have higher IgA antibodies and less serious illness. People in love have fewer colds. People with high cholesterol and high blood pressure are healthier in strong, loving relationships than those not.
Emotional health is improved as well. Children with parents and other adults who love them unconditionally thrive and have good esteem with more zest for life. Studies have shown over and over that caring about others induces feelings of warmth, calm, happiness which significantly reduces depression and anxiety. Other studies show that up to 90% of volunteers experienced a dopamine high from their volunteering experience.
The Power of Love and the Web of Life
We are linked to each other in a very profound way. There is a web of life and we are each a strand. The sustainability of this web of life depends on the strength of each individual strand. What holds the strands together is the power of love. Our indigenous ancestors knew this well. They valued the spirit of community. When one person was sick, they considered the community sick and they all pitched in to restore the health of that person, thus restoring the health of the community.
When the late anthropologist, Margaret Mead, was asked what the first sign of civilization was in ancient culture she said it “was a femur that had been broken and healed. A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken the time to stay with the one who fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety, and has tended the person through recovery.”
We are all being asked to heal our neighbor, our communities, by monitoring our actions. Monitoring our actions is a form of love. No easy task when we are surrounded by bad news. What disturbs the web of life is sustained fear. Fear creates tension in our minds and bodies. When experiencing a threat to life, which Covid19 is, fear naturally kicks in, the body tenses, the adrenaline flows and the fight, flight, freeze response is triggered. These are natural phenomena. Some people will flight into fantasy, some will freeze in denial, others will tackle it with misdirected anger. Staying in these responses will not help. A fourth, and healthier option, is to acknowledge the fear, release it, and use the fear to resolve the problem by proactively doing what we can do and trusting in a positive outcome.
Since fear and love cannot coexist at the same time, we must all do things to calm our fear and put out loving actions to strengthen the web of life. It will be a challenge, but the rewards will be great.
What to do
· Learn ways to be emotionally intimate while socially distancing. (Intimacy releases positive bonding chemicals.)
· Let your virtues shine.
· Perfect the ways to excel in loving acts.
· Love with everything you’ve got.
· Be realistic.
· Allow for the unknown.
· Don’t take risks that endanger you and others.
· Remain hopeful.
· Take care of yourself so you can care about others.
· Learn to love your own company.
· Relax, meditate, exercise, do things you love.
· Create and share—art, music, writing, food.
· Work to defuse anger towards others (there is currently an increase in domestic abuse).
· Put out positive thoughts, feelings, actions into the web of life.
· Have a handful of trusting friends you can reach out to when feeling afraid, depressed, or lonely.
· Become a trusting person that others can reach out to.
· Follow the rules. It is the loving thing to do.
· Accept suffering but do not attach to it.
· Wonder instead of worry.
· Go to your heart for answers.
· Listen to others deeply.
· Love everyone even if you do not like them.
· If you can’t be nice, remove yourself.
· And if you have relationship problems, agree to put on hold for a few months.
*Most of this information was taken from Love’s Way. Refer to it for more details on the science of love and fear and the research referenced.