People Pleasing: What is it? Why do we do it? How do we stop?
Brenda Schaeffer Brenda Schaeffer

People Pleasing: What is it? Why do we do it? How do we stop?

In my book, Is It Love or Is It Addiction?, I refer to people pleasing as over-adapting to what others want or what we imagine they want. Adapting can be a good thing. We adjust or conform to a situation or person to live cooperatively. If you agree to meet at 8, you do; you stop at red lights; you do your half of the relationship. These adaptations make life and relationships run smoothly. Healthy adaptations are thoughtful and respectful.

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Valentines Day: How to Say I Love You without Breaking the Bank
Brenda Schaeffer Brenda Schaeffer

Valentines Day: How to Say I Love You without Breaking the Bank

Many people grumble that Valentine’s Day forces them to do something special for a loved one, find the right card or buy a unique gift, and resent it. Others, if they are not in a romantic relationship, in a bad relationship, or recently lost a loved one, often feel alone or blue. We need to take a broader view of this day.

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When to Breakup with a Friend
Brenda Schaeffer Brenda Schaeffer

When to Breakup with a Friend

We spend a great deal of time thinking, reading, and talking about our primary love relationships—a romantic partner, a spouse, a lover—and if it is salvageable or worth keeping. What about friendships? Research states that we go more to our friends to get needs met or to experience emotional intimacy than we go to our main love objects.

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Love Addiction & Transactional Analysis

Love Addiction & Transactional Analysis

To the unconscious mind, love addiction makes perfect sense. – Brenda Schaeffer

Adopted as a child into a family that gave him little love or emotional support, Cary had suffered sexual, emotional, and physical abuse. As a result, he vowed he would never get close to anyone, for to do so was too dangerous—or so his childhood experiences had led him to believe.

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